


Fever Fear

by Haunted_Lightsaber



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 20:07:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10395060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haunted_Lightsaber/pseuds/Haunted_Lightsaber
Summary: Whoever said people with cold hands had warm hearts was lying.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set post "An Inside Man"

Taking a deep breath, Kallus took a moment to compose himself before approaching Thrawn's office.  The door slid open with only a whisper of sound.

 

"Ah, Agent Kallus."  Thrawn stood before a holographic image of graffiti that Kallus had come to identify as Sabine Wren's art.  More than once, Kallus had found Thrawn contemplating her work, and it made him uneasy.

 

Falling into parade stance, Kallus clasped his hands behind his back and straightened to his full height.  He'd found it was the easiest way to keep himself from giving anything away inadvertently.  "You wanted to see me."

 

"Indeed, I did.  Congratulations are in order."

 

Surprise chased over Kallus' features before he could stop it.  "They are?  The Rebels got away, sir.  I thought . . ."

 

"That I had called you here to take you to task for their escape?  Have no fear, Agent Kallus.  You performed your part perfectly.  The information the Rebels have escaped with was planted there for them."

 

Jaw clenching, it took all of Kallus' iron will not to say anything.  Something must have shown, though, because Thrawn said, "Forgive me for keeping you in the dark.  It was crucial that the Rebels have no reason to doubt the validity of the information they've stolen.  I knew you would perform your duties with the utmost professionalism regardless of how much I chose to divulge, and you did not disappoint."

 

Kallus allowed himself a small scowl.  "So, you assumed that I would be unable to capture the Rebels?"  He did not bother to hide his irritation.

 

"Not at all.  The Rebels have proven quite formidable.  I have read the reports on all of your previous encounters with them.  You have shown remarkable tenacity and creativity in their pursuit, and I do not fault you that they have not yet been captured.  I always account for the possibility of your success when I strategize against our enemies, for I do not feel your abilities can be disregarded.  It's simply that their tactics and strengths work well against our own.  I have been brought into this matter to propose alternatives to augment your efforts, not replace them."

 

Thrawn's voice remained steady and calm as usual.  If Kallus didn't know any better, he would've thought he was being bullshitteded.  Thrawn didn't seem the type for meaningless platitudes, not unless it served some purpose for him.  The idea that buttering up Kallus served Thrawn's plans was an unsettling one.

 

"Still, I would not have held back if I'd known failure was still success.  The Rebels would not have had cause to doubt my conviction in their capture, but I would have made different decisions had I known."

 

 _I wouldn't have called the Rebels here, for one_ , Kallus thought sourly.

 

Thrawn moved to his desk.  "Your performance was exemplary, Agent, but perhaps you are correct.  It cannot have escaped your notice that I have been studying the Rebels to better strategize their destruction.  But knowing their weaknesses is not sufficient for victory.  I must know the weaknesses and strengths of our own forces as well."

 

"So, you've been testing me," Kallus said.

 

Removing two glasses from his desk, Thrawn said, "It's not so much a question of testing.  I have not engineered many circumstances myself but I have noted the outcomes of your encounters with the Rebels.  I have been very impressed with your work.  I did not inform you fully before today's encounter but I feel that it might behoove me to hear your input on future operations."

 

While he was speaking, Thrawn also pulled out a fancy bottle and began to fill each of the glasses with an amber liquid.  Kallus watched it all with a frown.

 

"Sir?"

 

"Come, Agent Kallus.  If anyone's earned a congratulatory toast, it is you."  Thrawn held out one glass to Kallus.

 

Tentatively accepting the glass, Kallus said, "For managing to satisfy your unspecified criteria?"

 

"All my criteria are clearly outlined in the regulations," Thrawn dismissed.  "You have far surpassed any such considerations, and I now feel confident in giving you wider access to Empire intelligence."

 

Kallus could feel his face fall in surprise.  "You're increasing my security clearance?"  That meant a promotion.  As part of ISB, Kallus already dealt with highly sensitive operations.  Most information gathered by the empire went through ISB at some point.  Kallus' more boots-on-the-ground approach meant he spent less time with intelligence than meting out justice.  Now that he was secretly doubling as Fulcrum, he rued not having done more data-retrieval in the past.  It would only look suspicious now.  But a promotion would give him the opportunity to delve deeper on behalf of the Rebellion.

 

Thrawn sipped his own drink before replying.  "I have noted your exemplary work to your superior Colonel Yularen.  Only he can officially promote you, of course.  I was talking more of our enterprise here.  We cannot wait for bureaucracy to catch up to the needs of the moment.  There is a mole amongst our ranks and I need someone I can trust."

 

His red eyes pinned Kallus in place as he said that, and Kallus did his best to keep all expression from his face.  He could _swear_ Thrawn knew.  The man was so damned observant; how could he not?

 

And, yet, if that was the case, what was all this about?

 

Kallus quickly took a sip of his drink to give him a moment before he knew he had to respond.  "Er, I . . . Thank you, sir."

 

Thrawn nodded, graciously accepting Kallus' gratitude.  "I have nothing at present to disclose but there is a development I have been awaiting news on that I will bring you up to speed on as soon as the news arrives.  It must be kept just between the two of us, as it is highly sensitive."

 

That sounded like a trap to Kallus.  If whatever Thrawn was going to impart to him was vital for the Rebellion, Kallus would have to inform them.  But then Thrawn would know Kallus was the mole.  Perhaps that was the whole point.  Perhaps Thrawn would give Kallus false information similar to what he had just allowed the Rebellion to escape with.

 

Or perhaps the information they'd stolen was actually viable and Thrawn's suspicion of Kallus had prompted this charade.  He wanted to plant doubt in Kallus; doubt Kallus could pass onto the Rebellion.

 

Kallus took another long swallow of his drink, hating how he went in circles around Thrawn.

 

"You can count on my discretion," he finally said.

 

"Oh, I am sure of that, Agent Kallus."  Thrawn continued to watch him with that piercing gaze of his.  It was all Kallus could do not to fidget. 

 

He was saved when a quiet beep drew Thrawn's attention to the console on his desk.  Setting his glass down, Thrawn pressed a button.

 

"Sir, incoming message from Admiral Sloane."

 

Thrawn looked back at Kallus.  "I'm afraid our conversation will have to wait for another time.  I must take this."

 

"Of course." Kallus set his glass on the table, saluted, and then did his best to make a dignified exit.

 

He could feel Thrawn's eyes on him the whole way out.

 

*****

 

When Kallus woke up, his head was pounding, his whole body ached, and he was drenched in sweat.  He didn't need a doctor to realize he had a fever.  Knowing he was too sick for active duty, he followed protocol to the medical bay.

 

"You have Desert Fever," the medical droid said.

 

"Desert Fever?"  Kallus was incredulous.  "When would I have picked that up?"

 

"I cannot tell you that.  Desert Fever is uncommon outside of primarily desert worlds."  Kallus rolled his eyes, since he could've guessed as much.  The droid continued in its calm, mechanical way, "I will give you a stabilizing shot before I admit you."

 

"Wait, admit me?" Kallus asked in alarm.  "Why do I need to be admitted?  I have work to do!"

 

The medical droid did not pause as it grabbed a syringe and filled it with a clear liquid.  "Desert Fever does not have a ready antiviral.  The database indicates that it is rarely lethal.  I can administer pain medication for the muscle aches and an antipyretic for your fever but you must let the virus run its course."

 

Now finished preparing the injection, the droid gave no warning as it jammed the syringe into Kallus' neck.  "Do I need more than one administration of medicine?  Why do I need to be admitted?  How long are we talking here?"

 

Kallus was grumbling, frustrated by this turn of events.  He still had to figure out what to tell the Rebels about the possibly compromised intel they'd just grabbed, and he had Thrawn's promised briefing on a special project to consider.  Not to mention that Thrawn might be onto the fact he was Falcrum.  The last thing he needed right now was to be laid up.

 

As per its program, the medical droid appeared unable to distinguish Kallus' grumpy tone from a legitimate question and answered his questions calmly.  "The drugs should remain effective throughout the course of the illness, which should be no more than a week.  I need to monitor your hydration level.  Dehydration is the greatest danger associated with Desert Fever."

 

"So, I just need to drink plenty of water.  I can do that on my own."

 

Kallus hopped off the table, ready to leave.  The droid moved to intercept him.  "The antipyretic will keep your fever from becoming dangerous but you will still suffer the effects, which could leave you delirious and weak.  You should be monitored."

 

Already miserable with the fever, Kallus didn't feel the least bit guilty throwing his rank around.  Medical treatment could be deferred in an emergency, and Kallus had the clearance to determine what constituted an emergency.  He used his authority to do just that, allowing him to leave the medical bay and return to his quarters.

 

He took himself off active duty, intending to use the valid excuse of his illness to do some undercover work.  But the moment he sat down at his desk, he realized it was a futile endeavor.  His head was pounding and his eyes watered when he tried to focus on the screen in front of him.

 

Sleep and water it was then.

 

Sighing, he poured himself a glass of water, drank it, and then poured another.  Kallus left it on the ledge by his bunk, and then sat down to take his boots off.

 

That was the last thing Kallus consciously remembered doing.

 

*****

 

The quiet beeping from his desk barely registered.  Kallus shifted uneasily but didn't wake.  The louder chime from his door made him frown and bury his head deeper into his pillow but it wasn't enough to pull him from his sleep.

 

The cool touch to his forehead did that.  Blinking blearily, all Kallus could make out for a minute was a blue blob.

 

"Thrawn?"

 

Kallus struggled to marshal his thoughts, the incongruity of Grand Admiral Thrawn in his quarters making that difficult to do.  He tried to shift over so he could sit up, but Thrawn gently pushed him down with his free hand.  Kallus didn't have the strength to resist, only now realizing that Thrawn's other hand was still on his forehead.

 

"What are you doing here?" Kallus' words were slurred from sleep, and he blinked rapidly to try to get Thrawn into focus.

 

"You were not answering your comm.  I saw you were on the sick list but you were not in the medical bay.  I came to see how you were fairing.  You look terrible."  His tone remained the same flat one he always used.

 

"Thanks," Kallus said dryly.  Uneasy with Thrawn's touch, he tried to discreetly move away.  Thrawn allowed it, reaching over Kallus to grab the glass of water.

 

"Desert Fever should not be treated lightly.  You need to drink more or you will be dehydrated," Thrawn said.

 

In the act of levering himself into a seated position, Kallus froze and gave Thrawn a suspicious look.  "You know of Desert Fever?"

 

"I consulted with the medical droid when I was looking for you earlier." Thrawn helped Kallus the rest of the way up and handed him the glass.

 

The water felt wonderful on Kallus' sore throat, and he would gladly have more.  "You are cavalier with your health, Agent Kallus," Thrawn said as he took the glass back.  "That surprises me."

 

Kallus watched him warily as Thrawn moved to the small sink on the wall.  "I'm afraid I disagree with your assessment."

 

Pausing, Thrawn looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow.  "Indeed?"

 

"I consulted with the medical droid.  Rest and water.  I don't need to take up space in the medical bay for that," Kallus said.

 

"And yet, I find you here without proper hydration." Thrawn returned with another glass of water, and Kallus was too thirsty not to be grateful for it.

 

"I had a glass of water ready," he argued.

 

Thrawn's eyebrow climbed up again.  "I fear you underestimate this illness if you believe that will be sufficient remedy."

 

Pausing in the act of drinking, Kallus gave Thrawn another suspicious look.  He knew far more about this disease than Kallus was comfortable with.  Perhaps Thrawn had inquired further of the medical droid than Kallus had but something felt off.

 

"You . . .  you might be right about that," Kallus admitted.  "But I am up now.  I assure you I can care for myself."  Thrawn gave Kallus a clearly disbelieving look, and Kallus quickly sought to change the subject.  "Was there something you needed?"

 

It sounded like Thrawn had gone to a lot of bother already, and Kallus doubted it was out of concern for him.

 

"The news I told you I was waiting on has reached me," Thrawn said.

 

Kallus was a little slow as he again tried to organize his thoughts and remember their earlier conversation.  When he did, he somehow managed to get his glass on the ledge and said, "Right, of course.  I . . . I'm at your disposal."

 

He tried to swing his legs over the side of his bed so he could sit up, but the action caused a wave of dizziness and he would've fallen over if Thrawn hadn't reacted so quickly with a steadying hand to Kallus' shoulder.

 

"You may be at my disposal, but you are not in a condition for field duty right now.  You should rest."  Thrawn put his free hand on Kallus' forehead again, and Kallus couldn't help leaning into the touch.  Thrawn's touch was pleasantly cool, and Kallus' skin was so hot.  The drastic difference made Kallus shiver.

 

"My business can wait you out, Agent."  Thrawn gently but firmly pushed Kallus back to a reclining position.  Kallus had no wherewithal to resist him.

 

"I am sorry for the inconvenience," Kallus felt compelled to say.

 

"More inconvenient for you than me, I'm sure," Thrawn said.  Again, he reached over Kallus to grab the water glass.  He considerately filled it and returned it to the ledge.

 

Kallus watched it all with eyelids that felt heavier by the second.  He was still sharp enough to remember what a threat Thrawn was to him.  It felt wrong to simply fall asleep in his presence.  He couldn't make himself that vulnerable.

 

The illness was taking the decision out of his hands.

 

"I will see that you are checked on to make sure you are taking proper care to keep hydrated," Thrawn said.  Kallus barely heard the words.  All he could see was the piercing red gaze pinning him in place.  Kallus found it difficult to breathe under the intense gaze.

 

Somehow the encounter ended, and Thrawn was gone.  Kallus had no memory of it.  Slipping under again, his thoughts were a whirl of sharp red eyes and a soothing touch.

 

*****

 

The progression of the fever was about what Kallus expected, although the intensity did surprise him.  Mindful of the warning from both the medical droid and Thrawn himself, Kallus made the effort to drink enough fluids.  This necessitated getting up frequently and walking to the sink to refill his only glass.

 

It was a measure of how the disease was progressing that each trip became more and more arduous.  His muscles protested when he forced himself to sit up.  Dizziness hit him the instant he stood, sometimes strong enough to knock him off-balance.  He had to brace himself on the edge of the sink while he waited for the glass to fill.  His hand shook when he drank, the tiny glass feeling heavier than his bow-rifle.

 

Pouring another glass and heading back to the bed, he momentarily saw double as he turned too fast.  The whole world spun, and spots appeared before his eyes.  He very nearly passed out right there.

 

Somehow he managed to lurch back to his bed.  Water sloshed over the edge of his glass as he set it on the ledge, and he collapsed onto the bed.

 

Sleep eluded him now.  Restless, the heat of his fever made him impossibly uncomfortable.  He tore off his shirt and pants, leaving only his underwear.  His sheets were in desperate need of a wash as he sweated through the fever.

 

It was harder and harder to hold onto his thoughts.  His mind was a battlefield as he struggled to remember the need to keep hydrated, and he fought to stave off the encroaching delirium.  He could feel it robbing him of concentration and memory.

 

Exhausted and disorientated, Kallus had no sense of time.  He was truly miserable with the illness now.  He had no idea if he'd last gotten up to refill his glass an hour ago or a day.  Throat parched, he desperately wanted more water but he'd finally used up all his energy and he could not make himself get up.

 

Mind slipping in and out of focus, Kallus did not immediately recognize the door chime for what it was.  It did call his attention, but it took him a very long moment to remember Thrawn saying he would send someone to check on him.

 

Kallus mumbled permission to enter, but it was too quiet to be any good.  The door chimed again.  Kallus contemplated the idea of getting up to answer the door, and just thinking that made him groan tiredly.  The last thing he wanted to do was move.

 

He was still trying to rally himself to action when the door opened anyway.  Expecting some poor midshipman, Kallus was surprised to see that his visitor was none other than Thrawn again.

 

This time, Kallus could only blink tiredly in reaction to his superior officer's presence.

 

"Agent Kallus, I see the disease has progressed to the third stage."

 

Something about his neutral tone made Kallus frown, and he put more effort into trying to corral his thoughts.  He reminded himself of Fulcrum and Pryce's threat to make an example of Thrawn's mole.  The reminder of the danger the Grand Admiral brought to him helped Kallus' mind sharpen, if only a little.

 

"Grand Admiral." Kallus' words came out in a weak croak.  He tried to clear his throat but that really didn't improve anything.  "I did not expect to see you here again."

 

"I wished to see how you were doing."  Thrawn gave Kallus a studying look, making Kallus aware of his state of undress.  It was a good thing he was already flush with fever.  "You seem the worse for wear, but I am given to understand that is common."

 

Thrawn moved closer to the bed, and Kallus belated realized that the Admiral was holding something.  It was hard to force himself to focus, partly because he couldn't grasp why Thrawn was holding a large bowl filled with folded cloth.

 

Shifting the bowl to one hand, Thrawn reached out to touch Kallus' forehead before Kallus could think to protest.  Just as before, Thrawn's fingers were wonderfully cool and Kallus made an appreciative sigh before he could help himself.

 

Thankfully, Thrawn made no note of that.  "Your fever is worse.  I'm sure you're feeling quite awful right now, but I hope I have brought you some relief, if only for a short while."

 

Kallus perked up at that news.  "Relief?"

 

Gesturing slightly with the bowl he held, Thrawn said, "Just give me a moment."

 

The Grand Admiral did not seem the least bit self-conscious as he made himself at home in Kallus' quarters.  Kallus could only watch as Thrawn set the bowl down on his desk, and then pulled the chair over to the side of the bed.  Thrawn's red gaze flicked up to the ledge, clearly spying the empty water glass.  Apparently changing mental gears, Thrawn grabbed the glass and filled it.

 

Anticipating relief for his parched throat, Kallus tried to lever himself up so he could drink.  The fever was taking a toll though, and he was more drained than he realized.  Even that much effort was beyond him.  He would've fallen back down but Thrawn was just suddenly there.  Balancing the glass with one hand, he gently caught Kallus behind the neck with the other.

 

Kallus was treated to the indignity of having Thrawn hold the glass to his lips so he could drink.  Uselessly, Kallus tried to take the glass and drink unassisted.  But that just proved how weak he was.  Even his small glass was too heavy for him to hold without help.

 

"Ugh, I hate being sick," Kallus said as soon as he finished drinking. 

 

"That is a common enough sentiment."  Thrawn gently lowered Kallus back down to lay flat.  His tone was as professional as ever, apparently not thinking anything unusual about the situation.

 

Tired even from just that, Kallus closed his eyes and felt the room spin for a moment.  Distantly, he was aware of Thrawn moving around.  He could hear the water from the sink faucet, and he assumed Thrawn was refilling the glass again.  But, he did not open his eyes again until he heard Thrawn take the seat in the chair he'd placed by Kallus' bedside.

 

Turning slightly, Kallus was surprised to see that Thrawn was holding the bowl again.  More than that, Thrawn had taken some time to unbutton his shirt cuffs and roll up the fabric to the elbow.  It was so casual and so incongruous with the rest of the perfectly polished image Thrawn presented in his crisp uniform that Kallus boggled to see it.

 

"I have found that this feels very pleasant when I have been stationed on hot planets.  I see no reason it will not be equally refreshing for a fever," Thrawn said.

 

Before Kallus could ask what 'this' was, Thrawn dipped the cloth he'd brought into the bowl.  He squeezed the cloth, water dripping over his knuckles, and Kallus realized that Thrawn had actually been filling the bowl and not his glass.

 

Mind still sluggish with fever, Kallus did not immediately understand what Thrawn was up to.  It wasn't until Thrawn reached out and let the cloth trace a wet line over Kallus' shoulder that Kallus caught on.

 

The stark difference in temperature -- even with room-temperature water -- made Kallus shiver and sigh.  He relaxed immediately, happy with this treatment.

 

Thrawn was watching him closely.  Apparently taking Kallus' reaction as permission to continue, he dipped the cloth in the bowl again and then set about to systematically and thoroughly wash away the sweat of the fever from Kallus' skin.

 

It was a wonderful feeling and lulled Kallus into a hazy state.  The only part of him still functioning was boggling that this was even happening, but Kallus was more in favor of believing this was some crazy hallucination than that the Grand Admiral himself was bathing him.

 

"Does that feel better, Agent?"  Thrawn's voice was very quiet and calm, as if he was testing whether Kallus was actually still awake and not trying to wake him if he was not.

 

Actually halfway to sleep, Kallus could only respond with a murmured sigh.

 

Not stopping in his ministrations, Thrawn continued to speak in a quiet, measured tone.  "I'm glad to hear that.  You work very hard.  I value your contribution to our efforts.  I'm not sure if I have made that clear.  I know sometimes I don't."

 

Kallus wasn't sure what Thrawn was going on about, but he was too mellow right now to worry about making sense of it.  Thrawn's tone was hypnotic in its calmness, and it kept Kallus relaxed.

 

"I was thinking about what you said earlier in my office - about keeping you in the dark.  I do understand your concerns.  If we are going to work more closely together, I feel it's important to be honest.  I need to be able to trust you.  The Empire needs that."

 

Thrawn's voice grew even quieter, making it harder and harder for Kallus to grab hold of the meaning of what he was saying.

 

"You have served the Empire faithfully for many years now.  There is nothing in your record to give me a moment's hesitation in working with you.  And yet . . ."

 

This time when Thrawn wetted the cloth, he did not wring it out in the bowl.  Rather, he held it out over Kallus' bare chest and squeezed the excess water there.  He set the cloth in the bowl, and then let his fingers slide the moisture over Kallus' skin.

 

"And, yet, I have noticed a hesitation in our encounters.  I feel you are holding something back from me.  Something you fear the discovery of.  Now, what could you fear, Agent Kallus?"

 

As he spoke, he slipped his hand up so that his fingers traced over Kallus' neck, right at the pulse point.

 

It took a moment for Kallus' brain to catch up to what was going on - to go from hearing to _understanding_ \- and the moment he did, his whole body tensed.  A moment later, he realized that was the absolutely wrong reaction to have.

 

While his brain was still muddied with fever, the sudden adrenaline of danger had Kallus' thoughts racing.  He realized that Thrawn's hand on his skin - at his neck no less - was perfectly positioned to give Thrawn the minutest reaction from Kallus.

 

In an instant, Kallus reevaluated everything.  Thrawn knew too much about this fever, and now Kallus suspected Thrawn had given it to him deliberately.  Kallus thought back to the unexpected drink they'd shared - what better way to introduce it into his system?

 

And what better way to interrogate a potential mole?  Kallus' guard was down.  His energy reserves were depleted.  He'd let Thrawn too close, and he had nothing to hide behind now.

 

It was a perfect way to get behind Kallus' shields to test Thrawn's theory.  If Kallus really wasn't the mole, then Thrawn had set up a perfectly innocuous circumstance that would leave Kallus no wiser of Thrawn's suspicion.

 

But Kallus was the mole, and he'd just tensed under Thrawn's hand.  He'd just given away that Thrawn had guessed right that Kallus had something to fear.  Even as all of this was flying through Kallus' head, Thrawn was studying him.  He must see that Kallus was only a hair's breadth away from panicking.  If Kallus couldn't come up with a believable explanation for his reaction, then his next stop was going to be interrogation.

 

Groaning in dismay, Kallus closed his eyes.  Immediately, he felt like the world was spinning under him, and he wasn't sure if it was from the fever or the precarious position he found himself.  His stomach rolled unhappily, reminding him how little he'd eaten since waking up ill.

 

The hand at his neck moved up to cup Kallus' cheek and tilt his head in Thrawn's direction.  Kallus took a moment to fortify himself.  He had one chance to salvage this.  He had no idea how but he knew he had to do something.

 

Opening his eyes, he met the cool stare of his commanding officer and Kallus' mind was blank.  He knew he _had_ to think of something but nothing was coming, and the longer that remained true, the more panic began to bubble in him.  It was all he could do to keep it from overwhelming him.

 

"Agent?  Are you hiding something?" Thrawn's tone had shifted to something colder, though it still remained steady and controlled.

 

Internally, Kallus could only curse his fever as his brain refused to supply anything but the truth to him.  That, and the unhelpful fact that Thrawn's fingers were still soothing cool.  Kallus couldn't help but lean into that coolness, still seeking any relief he could from the unbearable heat his own body was producing.

 

Eyes trained on Thrawn, Kallus could see him gathering himself to again demand an answer and Kallus knew that Thrawn would keep pushing until he'd cracked Kallus.  Alarm chased though him, and he blurted out, "I like you."

 

Now it was Thrawn who froze, his stern expression softening slightly with the hint of puzzlement.

 

Kallus' thoughts were slipping away from him.  His stomach was in knots and it felt like he was trying to breathe while Zeb was sitting on his chest.  Unable to deal with this, he shut his eyes and leaned more fully into Thrawn's delightfully cool hand.

 

"Kallus?"

 

At Thrawn's prompting, Kallus let out a defeated sigh and opened his eyes.  Thrawn was giving him an expectant look.  Kallus wasn't entirely sure what they were even talking about at this point but he knew that look.  He was still somewhere between panic and despair, and he knew he had to save himself. 

 

Without fully thinking, he said, "It's against regs."

 

Thrawn frowned for a moment before his eyes widened in surprise and he said, "Oh."

 

Kallus couldn't deal with anything more.  The earlier calm he'd had while Thrawn had bathed him was completely wrecked.  His head was pulsing painfully as a headache added itself to the twisting in his stomach and the overall discomfort he felt everywhere.

 

His fever was taking a turn for the worse; he could feel it.  Hadn't Thrawn planned it that way?  Hadn't he timed himself to arrive just before Kallus was incoherent but after all his reserves of energy had been completely drained?

 

Head spinning as the fever took him under, Kallus' last thought was a prayer that he didn't reveal anything incriminating in his delirium.

 

*****

 

Awareness returned slowly.  Kallus' whole body felt like one big chunk of stone.  He'd managed to pry his eyelids open at some point and he spent a considerable amount of time staring sightlessly at the ceiling before he realized that was what he was doing.

 

The fever had broken, but he was still exhausted and sore.  It took him the longest time to muster the energy to sit up.  He only got as far as swinging his legs over the side of his bed before he had to regroup.

 

Head in hands, he propped himself up on his knees and willed some strength back into his body.

 

Kallus struggled to corral his sluggish thoughts.  His primary concern was to get up and back to work; the Empire frowned on laziness.  In the back of his head, though, something else nagged at him.  He couldn't quite put his finger on it but it left an uneasy feeling in his gut.

 

He was still sitting on the edge of his bed when the door chimed.  Groaning, Kallus wiped a tired hand over his face before calling, "It's open."

 

The door slipped open to reveal Grand Admiral Thrawn.  As soon as he saw who his visitor was, Kallus surged to his feet.  He was only momentarily dizzy.  He was more concerned with the fact that he still had yet to put on a shirt or take a shower.  Kallus hadn't had a chance to trim his facial hair, and was sure he looked quite rakish - not at all the appearance he wanted in front of his superior.

 

"At ease, Agent," Thrawn said, coming to stand before Kallus.  His glowing red eyes slid over Kallus' form, who felt the weight of that gaze all the way through him.  "You seem much improved from my last visit."

 

Something niggled at the back of his brain, making Kallus frown. "Er, yes.  The fever seems to be gone, and I am on the mend.  Thank you for the concern."

 

Thrawn offered an elegant tilt of his head in acceptance of Kallus' gratitude.  As Kallus still couldn't imagine Thrawn was here on a social call, he licked his lips and said, "Was there something you needed, sir?  You did not have to come all this way.  I am well enough now to attend to a summons in official capacity."

 

Red eyes still unwavering in their intense gaze, Thrawn did not reply for a long moment.  "No, I think this is exactly where this conversation should take place.  I am not here on official business.  Indeed, what I wish to discuss is quite . . . personal in nature."

 

The uneasy feeling dogging Kallus flared up but he still couldn't pin it down.  Warily, he said, "Personal, sir?"

 

Thrawn nodded.  "On my last visit, you revealed something to me.  Now that you are better, I wish to discuss that."

 

Stomach tightening in anxiety, it took all of Kallus' self-control not to react.  His mind raced to remember what he'd said.  All he could recall for certain was Thrawn's first visit but he had a vague impression of Thrawn returning.  It was accompanied with the sensation of Thrawn sliding a wash cloth along Kallus' chest, which was just too absurd for Kallus to believe it was real.

 

"I'm afraid I do not remember revealing anything to you, sir," Kallus said.

 

"I am not surprised."  Thrawn's even tone revealed nothing of his thoughts.  "You were nearly delirious with fever when I last was here."

 

When he did not say anything more, Kallus barely bit back a growl of frustration.  "And what exactly did I reveal?"

 

Thrawn arched an aristocratic eyebrow.  "It's not obvious to you?"

 

This time, Kallus did growl warningly.  He folded his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes challengingly, trying to hide how his stomach was quivering in fear.  "I'm not going to play this game, Thrawn."

 

Rather than be offended, Thrawn's eyes flashed and there was a hint of approval in his expression.  "No, of course not.  When I was here last, you revealed your interest in me."

 

"I'm sorry?"  Kallus' wary demeanor eased in his confusion.  _Interest_?  A faint memory of panic stirred at the back of his head but the encounter that had caused it remained elusive.

 

His eyes swept over the Grand Admiral, and he did have to admit that Thrawn was attractive.  It wasn't something Kallus had ever consciously considered before.  He'd been Fulcrum before Pryce had requested the Seventh Fleet, and his focus was on analyzing what kind of danger Thrawn represented.  Had Kallus really suggested this?

 

Stuttering, he said, "I-I think there has been some misunderstanding, sir.  I don't-"

 

"I would not have you lie to me, Agent Kallus." Something about Thrawn's carefully bland tone triggered warning sirens in Kallus' head.  "I understand your reticence to speak on this subject given the regulations regarding fraternization, but I will not have deceit.  If I have misunderstood your meaning, I apologize.  But in that case, I await an explanation for your evasive behavior of late."

 

His red eyes once again pinned Kallus to the spot, the effect much more potent at such a close distance.  The remembered panic from Thrawn's earlier visit flared bright, starting Kallus' heart racing.  He still did not recall the exact conversation but the sense of being interrogated came back to him, hinting at how this crazy idea had come up in the first place.

 

Quickly, he said, "No, sir!  It's just, as you say, regulations prohibit fraternization and do prescribe silence in-"

 

"That does not concern me.  I appreciate the intent of the regulations but, in this case, I find the end result distasteful.  Any sanctioned secrecy breeds distrust, and I can't have that.  I need to know I can trust the men in my command," Thrawn said.

 

Kallus swallowed around a suddenly dry throat.  "Sir, I can assure you that I have not kept anything from you - not anything the regulations don't call for, anyway.  I am sorry if you felt misled.  I-I just didn't wish to be removed from your command."  Thrawn continued to watch him with an expressionless face, and Kallus finally had to break eye contact.  "I understand your position, though.  I wouldn't feel comfortable with a subordinate having a crush on me either.  If you feel relocating me to another sector would be best, I won't argue with you."

 

It wasn't ideal.  Kallus worked with the rebel cell in the Lothal sector.  Being with Thrawn gave him access that was crucial to the rebellion.  But, Thrawn was too observant.  Kallus wouldn't do anyone any good if Thrawn caught on.  Better Kallus work somewhere else for a bit.  There were other rebel cells across the galaxy.  They didn't have Zeb in them, but Kallus had to think of the larger picture.

 

"Relocate you?  Agent Kallus, I intend no such thing." Thrawn's words finally made Kallus drag his gaze back to the Grand Admiral.  "I see no reason to lose such a capable officer over something so small.  The only criteria I care about for those I work with is that they are able to meet the expectations of their stations with professionalism and efficiency.  You have not failed on that score."

 

"I disagree," Kallus said.  "If you have noticed some shortcoming in my manner that we're even having this discussion, then clearly I have failed."

 

Thrawn made a dismissive gesture.  "I have found no fault with your manner or your work.  We have a mole in our ranks, which has naturally aroused my suspicion.  That, not your own conduct, has drawn my attention.  I have no doubt that now that you no longer need to pretend equanimity in my presence, the hesitation I have noted in your demeanor will disappear."

 

Before he could stop himself, Kallus snorted.  This conversation was utterly surreal.  Was he really standing here in nothing but his under-shorts discussing having _interest_ in a Grand Admiral who was unknowingly trying to hunt him down?  What was happening?

 

When Thrawn arched his delicate eyebrow again, Kallus quickly schooled his features.  "It's just . . . Do you realize how awkward this is?  Do you realize that every conversation we have from here on is going to be just as awkward?  I do understand why you'd rather know what your crewmen are thinking, but I must side with regulations here.  Knowing that . . . that _this_ is between us is going to affect our working relationship.  There's no way it can't."

 

Thrawn tilted his head slightly and did not respond right away.  He seemed to be turning over something in his head.  When his eyes swept over Kallus again and his expression turned contemplative, Kallus tensed.  "I agree that our relationship will change, but I see no reason why that change couldn't be an improvement."

 

Something about the way he was looking at him made Kallus wary.  "Sir?"

 

"You seem to be under the misapprehension that your interest will be a problem, perhaps even that it is unwanted," Thrawn said.

 

Kallus could not hide his shock.  "It's not?"

 

"Service to the Empire is a great privilege but also a great responsibility.  I do not take it lightly, and I know you do not either.  But . . . it is a lonely enterprise, especially for an officer.  The higher the rank, the more isolating it can be.  For my own part, I intend my career trajectory to have longevity.  It is my purpose.  I cannot hold off other aspects of my life with the intention of future freedom.  To complete my work, I must be in top form.  I cannot fall into the trap that has blinded so many other naval officers and made them ineffective to the likes of the Rebels.  I cannot become complacent in the familiarity of regulations and routine.  To the end, I always keep an eye open for any prospect to improve my situation.  Finding a domestic partner is something I have always had a keen eye for.  Your interest presents an intriguing opportunity."

 

Thrawn spoke with the same steady calmness that he spoke about everything, and Kallus thought for a moment that he'd misheard.  Incredulous, he said, "I'm sorry, an opportunity?  _I'm_ an opportunity?"

 

"Indeed.  A very attractive one," Thrawn agreed readily.  "I have no interest in an entanglement for an entanglement's sake.  If I am going to go to the effort of accommodating a domestic relationship, it cannot be at the expense of my professional calling.  I believe you share the same work ethic that I do.  Certainly, you apply yourself to your work with a zeal I wish all of my subordinates showed.  If we were to pursue a personal relationship, I would not have to impress upon you how important our duty to the Empire was.  A personal relationship could not interfere with that at all."

 

Kallus felt like his head was spinning, and he desperately wanted to sit down.  He'd only just recovered from Desert Fever; he had no reserves for this bizarre conversation.  Was Thrawn really asking him out?

 

"I . . . Okay, I think we are on different pages here.  I agree that a personal relationship cannot interfere with our work, which is why I have not pursued anything and never would.  I'm sure you are capable of compartmentalizing different aspects of your life without any ill-effect, but I don't have that capacity.  And . . . And, I'm not sure I appreciate being seen as an 'opportunity'."

 

"You give yourself too little credit," Thrawn said, not apparently put off by Kallus' arguments at all.  "If I had any doubts regarding your ability to juggle a personal and professional relationship, we would not be having this conversation.  But, it needn't be a leap of faith for you.  I am confident that we are compatible but I did assume there would be a trial period.  I believe that is standard in human relationships."

 

"Still-"

 

Thrawn silenced Kallus by reaching out to run his fingers over Kallus' beard.  "I have been remiss.  The opportunity you afford me is not solely your suitability.  It's not even primarily that.  Do you think I am blind to your physical appeal?  You are very handsome.  More enticingly, your mind is sharp and agile.  You are the only equal to me on this ship.  I would not have anything less in a mate."

 

Kallus stewed in indecision.  This was a very bad idea but his mind was quiet on reasons why.  He was tired and Thrawn's fingers were pleasantly cool when they traced the skin along the edge of his beard.  Closing his eyes, Kallus leaned into the touch.

 

"There is no downside to trying," Thrawn said softly.  "As you say, now that I know your feelings, regulations state you should be transferred to someone else's command.  If our work does become affected, then the outcome would merely be a formality.  But if we did work out . . ."

 

Kallus would be closer to Thrawn than ever.  He would have all the access he could want.  "Okay."  Kallus opened his eyes to meet Thrawn's red gaze.  "I'm willing to try."

 

Thrawn's smile was more open and genuine than Kallus had ever seen.  "Excellent.  The medical droid prescribed another day of rest to recuperate your strength, and I have assigned you light duty for the rest of the week.  I would very much like it if you joined me for dinner tomorrow, if you feel up to it."

 

Feeling dazed, Kallus nodded.  "Yeah, that sounds fine."

 

"I will see you tomorrow then."  It might've been Kallus' imagination but he thought Thrawn dragged out the experience of slipping his fingers free from Kallus' face.

 

Thrawn inclined his head in goodbye and then left.

 

For a long time, Kallus stood where he was, too stunned by what had just happened to do anything else.

 

It hit him suddenly that he had just accepted a date with a Grand Admiral - the very Grand Admiral who was aware there was a mole in his ranks.  A very perceptive and dangerous Grand Admiral.

 

Kallus swayed, his legs threatening to buckle.  Stumbling back so he could sit on his bed, he felt his heart begin to pound in his chest.  If things went well (and they had to, Kallus immediately saw), then he would be able to see Thrawn in unguarded moments.  But that was a two-way street.  Kallus had already drawn Thrawn's attention for secretive behavior.  It was possible Kallus could argue any further suspicious conduct as merely awkwardness for the new relationship but that could not hold forever.  He would be under even more scrutiny than ever, and he'd just increased the closeness and duration of his contact with the Grand Admiral.

 

Putting his head in his hands, Kallus realized he was so fucked.


End file.
